Sunday, January 28, 2024

After 24 Days, 23 Nights, We Are Home Again

We had a lazy morning (woke up late again!), drinking tea and reading and writing before we headed to Carrboro for brunch. The town was still fast asleep on a rainy Sunday morning and we were the first ones  at Acme Food and Beverage Company, where Vicki had made a reservation. Cary and his wife Jay met us there and we had one last round of multi-faceted conversation plus some yummy brunch food (mine was poached eggs on top of a fried green tomato with hollandaise sauce on top of bacon and an English muffin). We learned a lot about the frustrations of a public school teacher who has spent her life in special ed. Cary's wife has her resignation letter written and is prepared to hand it in -- in the middle of the year. Cary is a GI doctor who is working on writing his dissertation to finish his PhD. His specialty is the esophagus. There is no end to the work that needs to be done in this world.

We decided as we were getting in the car that we would take the slower route home, on the smaller roads, even though we could have been home in under five hours taking the interstates. When we crossed into Virginia, that was the first time in 24 days, not even kidding, that we had seen another car with Virginia plates.  The people of Virginia were not traveling where we were going in January. Because we always intend to do it and we never really manage it, we stopped for soft serve ice cream even though it was still a little bit rainy. The Dillwyn Dairy Freeze was the perfect place to finish off our checklist for this trip.

Home in time for family dinner at Anna and Gordon's with a full table of cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles. Ahhhh.

Here are some of the numbers from the trip:

Total miles: 8384
Households/family units visited: 30
Highest elevation: 7200 feet
Diesel fuel used: 215 gallons
Average fuel consumption: 38 mpg
Average price: $3.46  (highest: $4.799, lowest: $2.959)
Gave away eastbound: 2 crates spinach, 1/2 crate arugula, 1 crate bok choy, 1/2 crate carrots
Gave away westbound: sweet potatoes, butterkin, honey, grains and beans
All along the way: 40 jars canned tomatoes: soup, sauce, stewed
Motel nights: 4
States: 20
Times we stopped at a Maverik gas station: 4
Most nights spent in one place: 4 (Denver) 
Most hours driving in one state: Kansas (two directions, very long state) 
Most miles in one day: 851 (hard and snowy)
Hours left on our audio book still not finished: 10 hours, 47 minutes
Surprise treat: Leila in the car with us for two days of travel
Surprise triumph: replacing a flat tire in one hour on a Sunday afternoon
Oldest people visited: Paul and Mary in Albuquerque, about 89
Youngest people visited: several college students of indeterminate age -- Storm, Kira, Annie
Total spent: $2182

The car did great the whole way, even though it didn't get the same mileage as our last VW Jetta -- but that's because this car is one of those that got caught up in the cheating scandal and now is engineered to lower the emissions of the diesel engine. It ran beautifully, no complaints.

Jon and I did great the whole way, not making each other crazy (after we ironed out a few things on the first leg of the trip), agreeing on all the various choices we had to make, enjoying all the visits and sharing in the storytelling. We have traveled together for 40 years now and we have learned how to keep me happy by planning where we will be sleeping every night and how to keep Jon happy by staying off the toll roads and using the smaller roads whenever possible. We ate all the food we need to eat for a long time. People fed us, generously and well, every day. We stayed healthy, which is pretty amazing.

It was so very nice to see so many people we haven't seen in such a long time, and to find out how everyone is doing, and to be reassured that even though the world seems to be in dire straits in so many ways, all of the people we saw are doing good work, taking care of each other, growing older and having a good time of it. That was a LOT of talking and we are all talked out now.  






Asheville to Chapel Hill

When we are at home, I cannot sleep more than about seven hours at the most. But somehow on this trip, I am waking up later and later. It can't only be the steady march through the time changes. At David and Bernice's house, the curtains are so effective that it was dark as night when we finally checked the clock. It was 8:30!  By this time, the markets would have been open for half an hour already. I was shocked. Being on vacation has reminded me how to sleep late.

We had delicious gluten-free pancakes, expertly made by Dave. This whole trip, we have been on the receiving end of endless generosity. Of course, we would make pancakes for a guest too, but day after day, week after week, people have been feeding us, buying our dinners, giving us their time. I don't think we have ever planned a trip where the visits were so brief and so intensively close together (except for when we go to Boston) but we have been so warmly welcomed everywhere we go. We have not had one visit that felt lukewarm. We have had serious, fast-paced, wide-ranging conversations at each stop. Many of the same themes and topics, but each time with a different set of people who have lived different lives, but who at some time have overlapped with our lives for enough time that we still know each other well. I still think of it as a kaleidoscope of This Is Your Life, where we dip into a different place and time that we shared with someone and then we just start catching up. As Adria said back in Santa Fe, Jon has been "positively loquacious."

In the next blog post, I am certain there will be a series of summaries, because that is the Groisser tradition. But while I am thinking of it, this is a list of the sorts of things we have talked about in the last three weeks:

our children
their children
my mother
grandchildren
my siblings
their family members
farm succession plans
politics and current events
Israel and the war
Jon's work
their work
the farm, past and present
retirement
thoughts on what comes next in life
passions and projects

Interestingly, we have not spent a lot of time on health issues, although there is always some catching up to do. But just about everyone we have visited has been a senior citizen of some age and everyone is in reasonably good health, or is managing whatever is going on. 

Even though it was raining a little bit, we went to the tailgate market (which we would call a farmers market, but that name means something different in Asheville: a farmers market is where large wholesale truckloads get distributed to commercial customers). Asheville has a lot of small farmers and artisans and this market looked very familiar as a mid-winter destination. Meat, eggs, some produce (but not as much variety as we bring to Falls Church in February, to my surprise), herbs and cultures, bread. Tons of customers for not very many vendors. In the summer, this market is three times as big. Every single vendor uses a pop-up tent, most of them are 10x10. Even in this counter-cultural place, our farm would stick out with our tarp frames and tables.

We stopped for only our second picnic table lunch on this trip. By now, we have eaten just about every sort of restaurant/take-out meal we want and eating from our supplies, while not exciting, felt just fine. It was about 60 degrees and I have been looking longingly at picnic tables at every rest area.

We got to Pittsboro pretty much on time, a little bit late because we missed an exit while we were on the family zoom call. The news from Israel is that Liana crawled yesterday for the first time, and that Mika has been grumpy for a few days after being sick and at home. When Benjamin asked Mika why she has been so grumpy with her parents, she corrected him, "I am grumpy with Liana." She continues to be one self-aware and articulate two-year-old. Benjamin's current analysis of the situation in Israel is that this war is speeding up/compressing the events that were inevitably unfolding with the current government and with the historical response to the unfinished questions of existence/co-existence. He might not have said it exactly like that, but that is my one sentence summary.

John and Laurie have lived in their house, on their farm that they created, for about 35 years, I think. Laurie has been the primary farmer and John has been the tractor driver with an ongoing job as an antri-trust lawyer. Like the John we visited in Nashville, this John has been working on local issues (including climate change) the whole time he has been in North Carolina. This John, a friend of my parents from Oberlin, is now 86 and says it is time for his face to stop being on Zoom at all these meetings because it is time for younger folks to step up and take a turn at leadership. Laurie has cut her farming season down to focusing on growing seedlings for gardeners in spring and fall, plus the necessary tomato season. She has been going to the Carrboro Farmers Market (a very rules-based market that honors seniority) for so long that she now has managed to adjust her season down to just 17 weeks of selling, which is the minimum number of weeks to keep your eligibility. We only had a couple of hours to spend over tea and pumpkin bread, but we could have talked for much longer. John was one of the original purchasers of the 400 acres in Wheatland that have become so important to all of us. We need to go back and hear more stories. In his spare time, he plays a lot of tennis and piano -- with a special interest in 20th century composers. 

Our next visit was with Ed and Beth in Durham. They just had a house built for their retirement years because they couldn't find anything they wanted to buy and they wanted to be in Durham. We got there just as they were arriving from Pittsburgh with a carload of stuff (they are in the process of moving). It was pouring down rain and we helped them move the most important stuff inside before having a grand tour of their brand new house. We learned what kinds of new blinds we need to buy to replace all the ones that are worn out in our 24 year old house. We walked to dinner at a cool taco place. They don't live in the city, exactly, they live on a street that is being developed right now -- there were workers still scrambling in the dark and the rain to finish something because these houses are going up fast. But they live within walking distance of plenty of interesting restaurants. Ed and Jon were roommates in college and we have seen him at least once a year for the last 40 years so they can tal02k, fast and furious, without a lot of need for backstory. We will go back to see them sooner than later, I am sure.

And then on to Chapel Hill to see Vicki who used to be a neighbor in Great Falls, the mother of one of Benjamin's good friends in elementary and middle school, a lady I have always liked but never known very well. We visited her once a long time ago and learned how comfortable she is with people like us just dropping by. Her husband died about three years ago and one of their three kids moved in with her, which has been good for both of them. She lives in another one of these houses that are unimaginably large and fancy. I haven't counted the chairs, but I bet the number is closer to the house in Oak Park than any other.




Saturday, January 27, 2024

Kansas, Missouri, Arkansas, Tennessee, Mississippi, Tennessee, North Carolina

Or to put it another way -- Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

A lot of driving, a lot of fog, my pants don't really fit anymore, we are still on schedule.

It took about 10 hours to get from Manhattan to Memphis. Nothing very interesting happened but we did drive on some hilly roads going through the Ozarks. A while ago I asked Jon to look up where Laura Ingalls Wilder lived and we learned that her museum house is closed in the winter, but we did get within 1 3/4 miles of the house, which is kind of cool. Someday when we have a chance to travel during the months between Memorial Day and Labor Day, we will get to see all the places that are closed during the other months.

We met my cousin Howard and his wife Sarah and their son Alex at the Memphis Barbecue Co, their favorite barbecue restaurant. I don't know what we were thinking but we ordered the giant sampler that arrived on a garbage can lid. 

Everything was delicious and we ate way too much. They are gracious, generous hosts, Howard never reveals anything about his political beliefs, we talked about our families and the farm and grandchildren and memories. I am probably the only person who would ever say this, but to me Howard looks so much like my mother's cousin Richert, son of Uncle Norman. It was a lovely visit, the last of the cousin stops. Every one of them was worth the drive.

The next day everyone got up early to go to work or hit the road again in the pouring rain. It was warm and very wet. We went south to Oxford MS to see James and Jordan on their recently-established farm. We could see most of it through the windows of their house. They have been farming for a little over a season and there were still some things we could learn from them. James describes himself as always having YouTube in one hand, and a tool in the other. They are in Mississippi because Jordan's grandmother has a lot of land and there was an empty house to fix up and she was willing to let them come to farm. I asked James how it was to be the new guy in the family and he said it was a work in progress -- he has two counts against him: he is male and he is a Yankee. Jordan comes from a line of matriarchs who are business owners. The grandmother is the tractor driver. If they want some tractor work done, she will do it. James probably came to the right farm for his training when he decided to work at PVF for a year. We were very impressed by all the infrastructure and adaptations and work-arounds they have managed. Their whole market load crams into a Honda Fit. That can't last long. But they do grow a lot of lettuce and leafy stuff. There was a picture of some giant watermelons that barely fit into the Fit.


After a little while on I-40, I asked Jon if we could switch to a smaller road. It was raining, foggy, and there were so many big trucks. When we got onto lesser highway, it was much nicer. We got to John and Rebecca's house on the hill at about 4:30 and had a long evening of catching up with all the BBH gossip, and then I think John and Jon had a lot of sports talk while Rebecca and I talked about a million things that I can barely remember. All I know is that she is working really hard doing a five year project that she got a big grant for, John is very busy in local politics and they are both immersed in the ongoing project of getting a new cohousing community established. It is super ambitious to start a cohousing project from scratch, from finding the land to finding the people to getting it all designed to rounding up the money to getting it built. We had so many advantages when we started to build Blueberry Hill (land, family) and we were only in our 30s. These folks are thirty years older and extremely busy.

This morning we went with John to see the land that will hopefully one day become Burns Village and Farm. He wanted us to tell him if he had missed anything. Like our site, it is rolling and hilly, with trees. But their road access will be much easier and better. I made some suggestions about the farm part. We didn't have anything particularly insightful to say about the cohousing part -- Jack and Patricia have been consulting with them about that.

We forgot to get a picture of Rebecca from the night before.

Next stop: Parnassus Books.  I think this is at least our third visit to this independent bookstore. It is twice as big as the last time we were here. A very nice place. I have been waiting to buy the latest Ann Patchett novel from her store. I wanted a signed copy and there was a whole wall full. 

It was only about five hours from Nashville to Asheville and it wasn't raining. I-40 was fine today.  We got to David and Bernice's by 7:00, crossing back into Eastern Standard Time. They are in good spirits, good health, they see their two grandsons a lot and that is wonderful, they are trying to figure out where they want to spend the next part of their lives. Where they live right now might not be the answer. Dave is still hoping to build his dream house, and that could happen. Honestly, everyone is so ambitious. I keep thinking it is time to ask people what they are planning/thinking about for the next phase of life and they are thinking about building and moving and creating community, or changing jobs (that was Howard). I am always trying to learn what people want to do when they get old, but no one seems to be quite that old yet.

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

373 Miles on Monday, 469 on Tuesday

We were in Santa Fe yesterday morning and tonight we are back in Manhattan, KS. Not a lot to report in between because I am not that good at describing scenery. All the words from my geology classes keep coming back to me, though, as we zoom through these different landscapes, and I wonder how much of this used to be a lake bed, long long ago. I don't really understand how these mountains are laid out, as so often we seem to be in a bowl, surrounded by mountains, and the highway is headed for the easiest way past or over the next ridge. We were at about 7000 feet when we started out and by the time we got to Denver we had dropped down to 5280. Lots of dry, toasty, scrubby scenery. Lots of places that are ready for water whenever it comes thundering through -- ditches and swales and culverts that probably rarely see water these days.

It took a fair amount of planning and calculating for Jon to find us the right place for us to stop and have simultaneous Zoom calls. Mine was scheduled a month ago, a little randomly since I didn't know exactly where we would be. Jon planned his work call to line up with mine. We crossed the Colorado border and went into a Western-looking town called Trinidad. Found the coffee shop that he had selected, parked on the street right in front (a small town) and got ourselves organized in a dark little side alcove with video games and black light.  I was talking about CSA stuff with Becky and our guy from Local Food Marketplace and I looked pretty spooky in the dark, with a psychodelic poster behind my head. After our calls we drove down the street to the Safeway and shopped for lunch stuff. It is always amazing to find every Safeway in the country looking exactly the same -- we never shop there at home, but the fonts and house brands are reassuring and familiar from my childhood. It seems that butterscotch pudding is no longer something that you can find in the deli section: that was the cross country treat that I remember when we took a break crossing long and boring Texas or Wyoming, all those years ago.

We got to Dena's house exactly as planned at 5 PM. She was completely prepared with dinner. Charles and Lee Lee and Jacob's girlfriend Emily joined us. We used all the chairs in the house, eating appetizers in the kitchen and dinner on the couches. I think Dena's house is a 13 chair house. Cozy and comfortable and not too big at all. We talked about online dating, our various driving perspectives (Lee Lee says she is just like me, Charles says he learned a lot from Jon long ago), our trip, my cousins. Jacob arrived after work, just before we all started to fade.

This morning I talked myself into going out for a walk. It was about 25 degrees and sunny and I knew we would be sitting in the car for eight hours or more. I definitely felt like I was working hard because I am soft and out of shape and we are still a mile up from sea level, but it was a good city walk. I got sweaty, even just marching along on level sidewalks. That was Solo Walk #2 on my new knee. One in the Sierras, one in Denver. When we get back home, it will be less interesting but so much easier at a lower elevation.

After much debating with himself, Jon decided we could take I-70 instead of the smaller roads that he prefers. In the end, it was a good choice because we momentarily forgot we were crossing a time zone and we lost an hour. We had to hustle to get to the barbecue place to pick up dinner before it closed at 7:00. And the last half of the trip was in fog. We could only see the bottom parts of the wind turbines, and the tips of the fins that were closest to the ground. Are they fins? Rotors? Wings? When is the last time anyone saw hundreds of miles of fog? At least the road was straight and not too crowded, and there was no ice. I was not nervous as we hurtled along at 70+ mph.

We got to Paul's house (same Paul as before, in Kansas) where we found the table set, waiting. Jon had made good choices and we ate happily. For some reason, Paul and Jon got all carried away talking about mechanical things while Dan and I listened, halfway. They had left our bed just as we left it (so did Dena) -- it's like coming back home again. We have a load of laundry going, even though we are only five days from home.

Monday, January 22, 2024

Albuquerque and Santa Fe

The motel mornings give us a chance to start slow, read the paper, take showers, write, work, drink something hot. We don't rush.

Jon had chosen a place in Old Town, in case we wanted to walk around and be tourists. It was a little grey and rainy and we were lazy so we just drove around the square (no one was out) and remembered what it all looked like. It looks just the same as it did when we came through when the kids were very small -- a town square surrounded on all sides by gift shops, the buildings all made of a dark adobe, the sidewalks with a roof over them for the people who sit on blankets with all their wares in front of them. There was no one sitting on blankets today.

We met Steve at a restaurant that seems to be a local chain -- Flying Star -- with a long line waiting to order and many tables full. We stayed in our corner booth and talked for a few hours. Steve is completely up to date on all current events, has a lot of opinions about everything, has a few rants, and is the kind of person who does the research when he doesn't understand something. He told us he had gone back just this morning and read the original Dred Scott decision because it is always interpreted for us through the media and he wanted to understand it for himself, now that there is the question of whether our country has ever been a racist country, as a matter of policy (Nikki Haley claimed it has not). He was amazed to find the level of detail in that ruling, documenting the Court's decision that Black people were not citizens and not entitled to the rights and privileges of White people. Then he kept on looking to see how that case came to be in front of the Supreme Court. It was an effort to avoid the Civil War, clarifying what the national policy was. And he also found plenty of historical evidence that, contrary to Trump's uneducated thought that the Civil War could have been avoided through negotiation, that there were intense efforts to negotiate and the South would not entertain the idea of abolishing slavery.  Anyway, there was plenty to talk about. He said he once took a long survey that was on some morning show and at the end his score showed him as 100% a traditional liberal. We haven't had a chance to talk to Steve like that for many years. It was great.

A short drive out of town to Corrales where our family has stopped to visit a friends-from-Oberlin family for over 50 years. They bought a lot on an empty road and they proceeded to build a passive solar house, a little bit at a time. Every time we came to visit as we went cross country, we would find their house one room bigger. They always had a grand plan, and now it is finished. A south-facing house with a wonderful view of the flat valley and a mountain in the middle distance, although there are now many houses built all the way up the hill to their house and beyond. Paul was an English professor at UNM and Mary has been a local preservationist/historian. They are my mother's age and they still have projects to finish. They are glad to be in good health and we had a lively visit. Mary said, "This time might be the last time we see you. Next time you come by we might be dead." It certainly doesn't feel like that right now. They are still pretty ambulatory, taking care of themselves, wrestling with technology, and their daughter lives in the house right next door. They didn't like the retirement places they visited. They don't have a plan but they would love to just melt away in place. Their hearing is not as good as it was but their personalities and senses of humor are completely and hilariously intact. They say that their three kids are discouraged about their work lives because, while they are all successful and have good jobs, they work for big corporations and that is getting worse and worse.

We continued on through the scenic New Mexico landscape up to Santa Fe. We are alternating between Jon's podcasts of "If Books Could Kill" and the new book by Abraham Verghese, "The Covenant of Water." In fact, we haven't been listening all that much because we have plenty to look at and talk about, but these have been the soundtracks of this trip.

We got to Adria's house at the same time as her mom was arriving to join us all for dinner. The last time we came to visit was 13 years ago, and we know this because it was the winter before Harper was born. Adria and David have three lively, friendly, gorgeous, super sharp children who are now teenagers. They sat down to dinner with us, staying in the conversation even though they all had things they would rather be doing, I am sure. Finn is at home these days, homeschooling himself as he prepares to take the GED (high school was no good for him) and reading The Odyssey. Delilah is in the ninth grade and completely self-sufficient in her studies, Harper is a sweet sixth grader who could be 17 except that she still has limits on her screen time, carefully monitored by her parents. They all have chores to do in the house (we never managed that) and there is a small amount of complaining but mostly they just do them quickly and effectively -- putting away dishes, washing dishes, laundry. Adria has always been an amazing mother. David was away this weekend so we missed him. Adria gave us their bedroom, she slept in Delilah's bed and Delilah slept on the couch. Delilah reminds me completely of her aunt Diana, in looks and speech patterns. It was nice to be in the middle of their lives for an evening.


Sunday, January 21, 2024

Eastward Ho!

We got to visit with Matt and Michele and Leila for a good long time after Matt and Leila went out for a walk with the dog. Leila helped Michele make breakfast while we talked about John (has a retirement plan, bought himself an RV, practiced living in it for six weeks to make sure it was the right idea, and liked it) and Scott (who died about a year ago, at 61, of complications from esophageal cancer and treatment choices that increased his risk...but he was at peace with the possibility of dying) plus we talked some about politics without getting each other riled up. He thinks of Joanne as pretty far on the left end of the political spectrum because her kid went to Wellesley (that hotbed of communism) and he thinks of Uncle Babe as a moderate conservative.  Talking to Matt is so entertaining because he is funny and likes to laugh, he is opinionated but not a proselytizer, and he is a loving dad/family guy. He sees everything through the eyes of an accountant -- and yet he loves it that the farm is right where it is, and we keep doing what we do. He thinks that's a public service. And I admire Michele for being a forthright, confident woman who can't understand what Leila means when she says that her sister Donna says she got a "jail pass" to go on a trip with her sisters.  Michele can't imagine having a husband tell her what to do. When we first met her as a college kid, I wasn't so sure she was strong enough to be a match for Matt. She is.

We dropped Leila off to catch the FlixBus back to LA and we headed east for real. Our path from LA to Scottsdale to Las Vegas was not geographically sensible, but we had to wait until yesterday for Matt to come home from a business trip. It was worth it.

It was a relaxing 8 1/2 hour trip through desert. So scenic. Yesterday I couldn't help thinking about Spike, Snoopy's brother who lives in Needles. So many cacti that look just like the ones in the comics. Today was a high elevation day, lots of mountains all around, not much growing, big big sky. Sometimes there would be a mountain that was quarried, cut down and we could see how red the rocks were underneath all that scrub. We crossed the Continental Divide at 6 PM at about 6900 feet elevation.

Crossing the Hoover Dam in the daylight with Lake Mead on the left.
 


 
Sign on right reads Poisonous Snakes and Insects Inhabit the Area.
It turns out that Jon misread the information about this motel in downtown Albuquerque. There is a pool but it is definitely not heated. If we were polar plungers, we would go in. Oh well. We went to dinner at a big, long established restaurant where you order at the counter, 9000 reviews with a total rating of 4.5. Michele told us to go there because she remembered it from a trip, years ago. Green chile on burritos and lots of other options. Not as good as the Tortilla Factory, but certainly worthy of a stop.

Lucky for Jon, this motel room is the most upscale, nicely appointed, clean and comfortable of all the motels on this trip.  It's our last motel. I could live here for a while, no problem. There is plenty to eat within walking distance.

Saturday, January 20, 2024

76 Degrees in Scottsdale

I don't ever think about Arizona. It's a desert. All the water has been brought in from other places in order to create a fabricated environment. It's a risky business. But, in the dead of winter, it is quite hospitable and lovely with all the desert plants and the sunshine and gorgeous temperatures.  You can go outside in a T-shirt and be amongst imported palm trees and eucalyptus and there is green grass that must have cost a fortune. You can see why people want to retire here. Except that it's all a mirage and it might not work for much longer. But without the added water the vistas are mountains and cacti and perfect for hot-air ballooning.

We had a really nice morning with Malcolm and Lynn. Malcolm took the day off from teaching and Lynn discovered that her appointments were canceled by chance or mistake, so we had bagels and dallied at the breakfast table. We talked about Israel and the response at Malcolm's school (instant support of Israel, unwavering still, perhaps because there is a strong Jewish club that meets in his room and there is no corresponding Palestinian club meeting somewhere else) and our shared dismay at how the war does not seem to be going in a direction that is achieving the stated objectives. We learned a lot about a lot of things because Malcolm is a lifelong teacher with thoughtful observations about just about everything. And he will talk about anything. Then we all went on a walk together, going from their front door on a big loop through a park (watched some pickleball and learned about the rules) and the neighborhood. It all looks pretty much the same in this curated community and Lynn had to keep looking back to ask Malcolm how we were really getting home since she doesn't usually walk on those trails, with street after street of identical stucco houses with similar landscaping. They are happy that they finally put in a desert landscape in their yard (no more grass, all rocks and sturdy plants).

Then Jon and I headed out to a supermarket, bought some picnic supplies, and went to sit at a picnic table for a few quiet hours while we waited for it to be time to pick up Leila.

 


The drive from Phoenix to Las Vegas was easy but bumpy since we were on smaller roads. We talked and talked for five hours. First cousins have a lot of shared family history and Leila and I talked about our Jehovah's Witness grandmother, our kind grandfather, our cousins, the unpredictable ways our families have unraveled and raveled again (her father married our uncle's wife which made some things complicated but everyone managed). We stopped at a Thai restaurant that seemed completely invisible, except that Jon found it online. We had the place to ourselves, and the food was tasty and different from what we are used to.

Arrived at our cousin Matt's house at about 9:30. The last time Jon and I saw him was about 17 years ago when Matt and Michele were living in Kansas City, running a doughnut shop, raising four little kids. Now they are empty nesters in a gated community in Las Vegas, Matt works for a large casino business in sales and he travels around the world working on promoting their line of gambling machines. He says it takes about 18 months to develop each sale. Years ago, his company had 75% of the market but now there is much more competition and they are down to 30% but they are still doing fine. He says since covid, casinos have been "printing money." There are so many jobs in this world that I have never imagined. Leila saw them last at Auntie Pat's funeral (Auntie Pat is Matt's mom, and she is the one who married Leila's dad). So even though we haven't seen these people in a very long time, we all have the same uncles and aunts and cousins and grandparents and we certainly know each other from childhood. Matt's brother John lived with our family for about ten formative years because he was not thriving at home -- looking at Matt's face and hearing his voice is like being with John. Spooky. We definitely laugh at the same jokes and share concern for our aging relatives. Matt and Michele have been married for 35 years so she knows all the people as well as anyone. All of us look up to Leila, the oldest, and are in awe of her. She told the story of how she met Tim, and it was so interesting to see which parts of the story each person picked up on (Matt was parsing the business model of e-Harmony and Michele was feeling the feelings of trying to learn to date after 40 years). We stayed up late.

I was totally surprised to learn that they don't own this house, even though they have lived in Las Vegas since they left Kansas. In his business-minded way, Matt has been waiting for the right moment. He wanted to wait until his kids were grown so they could buy a smaller house. Then when that time came, the economy exploded and prices went up and supply went down and everyone came from California to buy all the houses. Our Uncle Babe apparently just bought a house in Vegas sight unseen because he wants to have a place on the mainland and Reno turned out to be way too cold. But Babe and Arlene have bought and sold more houses than anyone we know, and they are savvy, and they don't mess around.

The other story that we all understood and laughed about: Zippy's now has its first restaurant outside of Hawaii, here in Las Vegas. Matt says this place is the "ninth island" with a half million relocated Hawaii residents and when Zippy's opened, the lines were so long that people had to wait two hours to sit inside. Zippy's is a Hawaiian fast food chain that is known for its local food, with the ambience of a McDonald's, I kid you not. You eat off of styrofoam dishes. There is saimin and plate lunch and loco moco and teriyaki burgers and lots of dessert.  Matt brought home some delicious haupia cake and we all loved it.

Friday, January 19, 2024

Dawdling to Los Angeles, Dashing to Scottsdale

We were in no hurry this morning and Jon had some work to do, so we stayed at the motel and got our money's worth. I decided to take a walk -- and as I was walking, I realized that this was the first time since I was alone, walking just to walk, with my new knee. It has been many years, but all my long ago tendencies came back to me. First I just wandered around the motel premises and admired all the features: all the signs were painted by hand, like at our farm, there was a little hoop house with lots of plants, and someone likes to garden because there are small trees and bushes that were recently planted. Then I started to look for other places to walk and eventually I found the way over a giant berm that holds back the seasonal lake (more on this later) and I followed a trail along the river that was noisily bouncing and crashing over some big rocks. I didn't understand that I was walking on a lake bed; it seemed like some kind of a beach with lots of sand along the river. I didn't see any scary wildlife. Actually, I didn't see anything alive at all except for birds. I sent a message to Julia because walking alone made me think of her -- as she says, she thinks of it as a holy activity. 

As we were heading out, the area to our right looked weird, like an empty lake bed, kind of with a water ring that covered many feet at the base of the mountain that surrounded it. There were signs identifying it as Lake Kaweah but there was no water. Jon looked it up and learned that the lake is meant to control flooding, so they only let it fill up during a couple of flood-y months per year, and the rest of the year they let the water flow through as fast as they can. It creates many acres of farmland below the dam.

The trip south was once again full of farm views. Well, not exactly farms. Just miles of rows of citrus and almonds and grapes and even some olives. The scale is mind-blowing.

We spent a long time in Bakersfield, on an edge where the retail strips go on and on. It was a low income area, with groups of men hanging out in the parking lot, and a security guard greeting every customer on the way into the store. First we went to a Mexican restaurant that had a good story online -- yummy -- and then we went in search of bathing suits in the middle of January. Not that easy. I should have brought mine with me but it was wet on the day we left and I couldn't think why we would need it. But then Jon just made a reservation at a hotel with a pool in a few days and it would be sad not to be able to go in. So we went from one discount department store to the next and finally found something that might fit me at a Target.

On the way to LA we were amazed to go through a long stretch of completely untouched hills and canyons -- we couldn't think of anywhere near us that was so pristine. Then a sign told us it was the Angeles National Forest (not one tree in sight, just hillsides covered with low scrub) and that made some more sense.

Somewhere along the way we also passed a dense collection of oil derricks connected with lots of pipe. The polar opposite. 
Earlier in the day we saw the most expansive set of solar panels, as far as the eye could see, and it was impossible to tell how the energy was transmitted. No big ugly pipes. Just miles of flat panels, about five feet off the ground. Bruce told us a few days ago that about 70% of electricity in California is renewable. It must take a lot of wind and sun to power that much of the state.

We arrived at Leila's house at around 6 PM.  We haven't seen her in so many years I can't even remember the last time. But we have been to this house at least twice before. Now the kids are grown, Mike died three years ago, and Leila married again just about one month ago. They have only been together in this house for about two weeks so we are here during some very early times for them. As Leila says, they are still working out the routines. Her husband Tim came home after coaching a couple of basketball games -- he teaches at a small Christian school and has a lot of different jobs, including being the athletic director. He had never heard of me and Jon (no surprise) so we all had to start from scratch. Leila made a delicious dinner of baked tortellini, green beans, sourdough bread. Okay, I am ready to start learning about sourdough. I have resisted it until now, but we have been eating some delicious bread and it's time. 

The next day Tim left very early for school and we had a slow-starting morning with Leila. We got a full tour of her garden/backyard/projects and plans. She only started working in the yard after Mike died, and in the last three years she has transformed it from an abandoned lawn into a wild and productive garden with artichokes, figs, tangerines, lilikoi, vegetables, kabocha squash. She has plans to replace the garage with an Affordable Dwelling Unit at the same time as she renovates her kitchen, finally. I asked her how she was going to pay for all of this and she said she has saved the money. In the last ten years or so she figured out that she needed to pay attention and worry about the finances (she said "I can make a dollar bill scream for mercy.") and she has done an amazing job of going from no money in the bank to her financial planner telling her she can retire now.  Very impressive.

Yesterday when Leila learned that we were going to Scottsdale next, she said, "can I come with you?" We said, sure!  And she wasn't kidding because she has a friend who she has been meaning to visit. Jon rearranged the car and the three of us drove east at 9:45.  We drove straight through for six hours, talking the whole way. Leila told long stories, complete with reflection and analysis, about her experience getting into the dating world.  She made me laugh so hard I could hardly see, and I was driving at the time. We both laughed for about 5 minutes straight. I only laugh like that with girlfriends and sisters.

Leila and Jon navigated together, companionably, and Leila commented that in the old days with a paper map, Mike used to get frustrated with her when she couldn't get oriented fast enough. I said that was just like my parents. Thank goodness for navigation systems in cell phones.

We dropped her at her friend's and went on to Malcolm and Lynn's house, just ten minutes away.  Again, we haven't seen them in 9 years, but we have been in touch more recently with Judith's death so it didn't seem like quite so long. We had plenty to talk about at the dinner table. Malcolm is going to retire at the end of this school year. He still loves teaching and he loves the kids but he also wants to spend more time with Lynn while they are both in good shape.  We have had a lot of retirement conversations on this trip. Not quite as many long term plan discussions as I had anticipated. People are still in this phase, thinking about the next transition, or enjoying the recent end to their regular employment.

A lot of the houses we are visiting are way too big for the current occupants.  But for now it just is easier to be in a big house -- the next moves will require lots of downsizing. That sounds hard. This house that Malcolm and Lynn have, it's a one story house that goes on and on, with a pool outside and so many immaculate rooms full of furniture that probably never get used.  Very fancy with ceilings that are about 30 feet high in the livingrooms.

Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Sequoia National Park

The only destination on this whole trip unrelated to friends or family was the sequoias in central California. Jon made the reservation at the motel before we left home, not knowing if we would really hit all our marks to get here on this very day. Well, somehow we did.

We drove through the Central Valley on Route 99 because of some unexpected detour. We saw miles and miles of almond trees, with massive irrigation systems installed.  There were also big orchards of lemons and oranges and tangerines. They really know what they are doing here, in terms of managing crops on a monumental scale. Jon looked up the crops that are grown in Merced County. It is one of the agricultural capitals of the valley -- milk, eggs, almonds, corn silage, beef, tomatoes, peppers. At this time of year, they are pruning trees.  The tractors and implements are parked for the winter, and they are huge and varied.  

Oranges

Big equipment

Almonds
All along this trip, I have been remembering the many times our family drove cross country in the winter, and how all of us kids felt about any delays. Our father used to like to visit equipment lots to look at all the machinery. We complained bitterly.  Our parents sometimes stopped at farms to talk to farmers. Drove us crazy.  Today, just looking out the window, I thought about how uninterested we were as we drove through amazing farmland. Now Jon and I barely even listen to the radio. We just look out the window and think about all the decisions that were made, all the ecological realities, all the people who do all this work. Plus all the incredible engineering that goes into all the roads and bridges. Cross country trips are wasted on the young, except for the time the family gets to spend together. We old people have lived enough to be interested in everything we see. And now we have the internet to consult if we really want to know something. In the olden days, we had the Information Please Almanac and we could look up the population and state bird and state song and other tidbits, but this was a limited source compared to nowadays.

Before we went into the Sequioa National Park, we went to a sandwich place that was so highly rated that we would have driven many miles out of our way to get to it. It was right on the road to the park, though. The sandwiches were delicious. We were sitting near two elderly ladies and one was explaining to the other one about all the reasons that Trump was the right man for the job, how she really trusts men who have been in the military the most (?!?), how climate change has not really been shown to be real, how electric cars will never work. The other lady was not agreeing with everything, but she was letting the right wing one go on and on. 

We headed up into the park and were glad that we already had a National Parks pass so we didn't have to make any decision about paying $35 to get in.  All handled. They told us that chains were required when we got up to the icy part. Okay. The drive was a steep climb. We started at about 300 feet elevation and went up a road that rivals the road to Hana or parts of the Amalfi Coast. Steep hillsides above and below, sharp switchbacks. Much more climbing than either of those roads.  

 We got up to 7000 feet. I was not psychologically prepared for all that zigging and zagging, but at least there were not many others on the road. We never saw the place where chains were really needed, plus it was over 40 degrees, so that was good. Eventually we started to see tall, straight, brown sequoias sprinkled in with other equally straight but less massive trees. The trees got bigger and bigger. There were lots of burned trees from a recent fire.
Finally we got to the parking lot closest to the biggest tree in the world.  We walked with other tourists on a snowy path to the one called "General Sherman Tree." These trees are so tall that you just can't really tell how tall they are. This is the biggest tree by volume (52,500 cubic feet) and weight (1,385 tons) and it is 2200 years old. 103 feet around at the base, and it stays big the whole way up. Not the oldest tree but it is growing in a good spot so it grew bigger than other older trees. Jon kept saying that they should tell us how much wood would come out of one of those trees -- how many board feet? They are majestic. They grow in clumps, often, so there can be four or five of these huge trees all clustered together. It was worth the drive to see them.

As my gift to Jon, I took a nap on the way down. I am sure he had a much nicer time swooping around all those curves without my attention.

We might be the only people in this motel. The town is empty. We tried to go to a Mexican restaurant but it was closed, so we went to the grocery store next door and got supplies for sandwiches. All is well.

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

San Francisco

Phew! We got a good night's sleep and we woke up without any residual symptoms. That was just one weird episode.

We drove one hilly mile to Rasa's house and had such a nice visit with her. Usha stopped in to say hello but she had to hurry out to a yoga class. She is a yoga teacher who made it through covid, teaching on Zoom, and now she works for a big corporation and no longer has to do all the work around the edges that happens when you work for a small business -- opening the studio, setting up, signing people in, cleaning up afterwards. She worked for many years in those independent studios and while she misses some of that, she is glad to have more support. Jon and I haven't seen Usha since she was 13 years old (we so clearly remember her getting ready to leave for school, lying down on her back on the couch so she could put her skin tight jeans on, but refusing to button them until the very last minute so they would be as tight as possible). She now has an 18 year old son who is in his first year of college and she misses him terribly. Rasa says it is wonderful to have Usha living in the house they renovated in the back yard over ten years ago.

Rasa, 89, is as sharp as ever, even though she had a minor stroke about five years ago. She finished her last book a year ago and decided to self-publish it to skip over all the other steps. It is a memoir which took her ten years to write. She said she is happy with how it came out and she gave us a copy. We will read it. We talked about Israel -- she thinks that Israel is intent on killing all the Palestinians. She has been a peace activist all her life and would have gone to a peace march recently except that she doesn't trust herself to be strong enough. She is rational and clear-thinking and her biggest regret right now is how useless she feels. She is just about the oldest person she knows now and she says she misses talking to people who have lived the same slice of life as she has. And still Rasa feels lucky to be healthy and able to go hiking in Marin County with a friend, to go to the farmers market every week. Usha reminds her to be careful going up and down the stairs, telling her it would be a calamity to fall. It feels like Rasa will continue to live in her comfortable house, climbing all those stairs to the second floor where she lives, for a long time. I love talking to her and I hope we can come and see her again.

We drove up the steep hill to Sarita's. It was a clear, sunny day and the view from her windows is stunning, flattening all the hills of San Francisco because she lives at the top of Twin Peaks. We hung out, catching up. After a quick snack, we headed out to Ocean Beach to see the Pacific, and then up to Lands End for a view from higher up. Next time we come out here, we will hike up one of those trails. We didn't leave ourselves enough time because we had a dinner date at 4:30.  


We drove back to the Mission to meet James and Howard for dinner at a small Vietnamese restaurant. It was an early dinner because Howard needed to go to a shiva at the temple. It was so nice to see James -- he and Sarita just got officially married yesterday, with Howard as the officiant. Jon and I came out to SF in October for the first wedding celebration, and it was just a coincidence that we were here again on the same weekend as the state-acknowledged wedding. They are very happy. 


 

The view from Sarita's is equally stunning every time, when it's clear.

Monday, January 15, 2024

From 6768' to 17' elevation

I got out of bed at 6:00 to the sound of beeping outside to watch the driveway being cleared -- it was a very specialized sort of tractor, articulated so it could bend in the middle, go forward and backward without shifting gears and instead of a plow there was a giant snowblower attachment, shooting the snow into the air in any direction the driver pointed. I have never seen anything like it.

We had a leisurely morning with muesli, more talk about geothermal and other renewable energy sources, more talk about the architecture of this house and the houses nearby. Bruce said that last winter it snowed so much that the snow falling off the roof didn't have anywhere to go because it was piled all the way up. I couldn't imagine that since the house is three stories up including the garage so he sent us a picture. He said that after all the snow melted last year it was easy to see the various ways houses don't hold up to all that snow.  Some decks just broke right off, some chimneys sheared off when the snow slid off the roof. He said the building code up there is 500 pounds per square foot for the roof. Not only are the mighty beams in his house made of laminated layers of plywood (and aesthetically pleasing, sometimes with a veneer of Douglas Fir), the rafters are also.

Bruce's house, 2023

Bruce's house 2024
Jon decided it was safe to take the chains off in the garage since it seemed like the roads were plowed enough for our car. He was right. Once we got out of the driveway, everything was clear. We sailed down the mountain. 

After a while I noticed there was a light on indicating low tire pressure. We have seen this so many times in so many cars that it didn't alarm us -- we would check it the next time we had to stop.  The car wasn't pulling in any particular way, although the bumps in the road were definitely more pronounced. And then at about 12:30 I could tell something was definitely wrong and I pulled off of the highway.  Front left tire, trashed.  I pulled off the pavement and onto the gravel, further away from the steady stream of trucks hurtling past. It took Jon a couple of tries to get the jack to work well enough on that soft surface -- we used our cutting board as a solid base under the jack and that did the job. Half an hour later we were back on the road with our spare.  Jon did some research to see if there were any tire shops open on Sunday afternoon, and there were many at an exit about ten miles away. We chose the one that got the best reviews that seemed to be a one-of-a-kind.  They had us back on the road in about 15 minutes with a new tire, mounted and balanced. Jon wrote them a good review.

Then, because we had planned to have lunch at an In-N-Out, we went there next, even though we were now about an hour late. The burgers were fine, the fries were crispy, the shake was practically solid.

We continued on to see our friends who are staying in Napa in a resort development where they co-own a house -- the same Paul and Wendy we had seen a week ago in Chicago. By this time it was sunny and warm out, like about 50 degrees. Paul gave us a full tour of the grounds. It is a hotel where each room is a separate little cabin with its own outdoor shower. There are figs and olives and grapevines and all sorts of landscaping. They live in a section where there are about 25 full-size houses that people usually rent for a week or so, maybe with a group. The whole place was swanky and carefully landscaped but low-key. Disney-like. Heated outdoor pools, gardens, restaurants, yoga studio, giant tent for weddings. All surrounded by acres of vineyards and meadows in all directions. It is hard to imagine having that sort of money.  It is a place for celebrities and dignitaries and regular wealthy people. 

Napa valley, vines and hills.

 

Possibly the most luxurious aspect of this fancy resort -- a heated pool and a hot tub with THE view.

On to San Francisco. We stopped briefly to say hello to Sarita and then went to meet up with Jon's college friend Bob at a new Korean restaurant at 9th and Judah. Bob seems to be exactly as he always was -- youthful, likes his work as an environmental lawyer, gets to be in charge of his own work life and doesn't see why he would want to retire anytime soon. He is always so easy to talk to. When Benjamin was a two year old and Bob was living in DC,  Benj referred to him as "my friend Bob."

After we said goodbye, both Jon and I were suddenly struck down by a severe and unstoppable attack of diarrhea. The timing was complicated. We were driving to the apartment that Sarita's friend was generously letting us borrow. By the time we arrived, we both needed a full change of clothes and a shower. What in the world happened to us?! Jon was mortified and could not believe this was happening. Somehow we got ourselves parked and unloaded, told our host that we were in dire straits, he kindly waited until we got ourselves sorted out, and then he welcomed us with pitchers of water and an unflappable demeanor, even though it must have been alarming to have two people arrive who wanted to burn their clothes. Who DOES that? And how fast does food poisoning happen, if that was what it was? Instantly?

Anyway, what a way to end the day. We are clean and comfortable, our clothes are in the washing machine, our stomachs don't hurt, and we will see what happens tomorrow.

Sunday, January 14, 2024

All the Way to California

 

Denver, as we were leaving, yesterday

Elko, Nevada is a sprawling commercial strip with every national retail chain and hundreds of motels and a remarkable number of casinos.  We had a fine breakfast at our super inexpensive motel (Jon was moved to leave an extra dollar for his Don Hirsch Honorary Motel Tip) and then we went to Home Depot to try one more time to find good zip ties.  Jon has tried unsuccessfully to tie our broken bumper back together -- he hit a clump of ice on the first or second day, can't remember -- but yesterday he gave up and just cut the bumper with his Leatherman and away we went.

It wasn't so cold yesterday, and we were heading down into Reno, so I was much more relaxed. In fact I took a turn driving and we got to be on the family Zoom call as we zoomed across the wide open level area between the mountain passes. We heard about Jesse and Shalini's new house, we got the update from Israel (schools are open, life feels fairly normal despite the ongoing war to the north and south), we talked about the family reunion in Boston that is happening next spring. It is amazing to be able to see and talk to people sprinkled all over the globe.

We got to Joanne's house pretty much on schedule -- we were quite surprised to go through a gate that guards a development of 1100 houses, every one of them with an astounding view of the huge basin to the east. As Joanne's husband Paul (that's the third Paul on this trip, and there will be more) said, they discovered when they were looking for house to buy, customized houses are built for the first customer and not so much for the next one. As he said, their house is exactly the same as one out of four of the other houses, and their house suits them just fine. During covid they all had plenty of room to work and breathe, plus they have a grand patio with nice furniture where they ate all their meals.

We started first with catching up on the news of Uncle Babe and Auntie Arlene (Joanne's beloved parents) and then we had plenty of other things to talk about. Kira was there, home from Wellesley, which made it extra fun to visit. We learned again that Joanne's family is still in our political bubble but most of our other cousins and aunts and uncles are further to the right. We still love them all, and we will have to remember to be careful with our opinions as we go to visit other cousins along the way.

We bought more windshield wiper fluid, went to our fourth Maverik gas station in two days (our new favorite) and headed into the mountains again, leaving the sunshine behind and climbing into the snow clouds. Just before we got to the Donner Pass, the signs said to put chains on. Jon had actually taken the time to practice putting chains on while we were in Joanne's driveway, so he felt prepared. It was windy and cold (an understatement) and he put on his wool cap and his gloves and went out to lie down on his back on the pavement. I timed him, since I was just sitting in the warm car. It took him 8 minutes to get the chains on and one minute to get his glasses unfogged. And then we chugged on up the mountain, along with all the gigantic semi trucks, carefully and slowly.  It was not scary because everyone was moving slowly. 

 

We scrambled off the highway at Soda Springs and churned on up the mountain to Bruce's house. Bruce is a friend of Jon's from grad school. He came to California to ski and work for Hewlett Packard many years ago, and has retired to this place where he can ski from his back door. Bruce had this incredible house built about 25 years ago and moved here full time. It is not a house for a senior citizen, with all the stairs and multiple floors, but you can't build a one level house up here because it would get buried in the winter. So he will live here until his skiing days are over and then he will figure something else out. It is so much fun to see all the systems and solutions that a single person devises for himself, living exactly as he wants to. Bruce and Jon could talk for hours about engineering related issues of mutual interest -- the list is endless. It snowed and snowed all night.

There had been a hope that Anne, their good friend from school, would be able to meet us here but she was snowed in at home, up in Oregon. She was halfway through a 16 inch blizzard, snug at home, and we had a Zoom call with her. Much better.  I used to visit Jon up at Dartmouth and hang out with Bruce and Anne too so we all have plenty to talk about. Like us, Anne is a new grandma. And Anne used to be an organic farmer before she turned into a computer programmer and her garden is constantly besieged by deer.

Bruce cooked dinner for us, Jon made the kale salad, and we ate a good amount of a delicious sourdough loaf that Bruce had baked. This is the life.

We may be just about done with the exciting parts of the driving, which is fine with me. I would never do this trip by myself in the winter. I guess I would never do this trip by myself anytime, but Jon does all the work of getting us through the challenging parts. And I have to say, since our conversation on the way to Columbus, he is a lot more patient with me about my fretting and I know not to say the same thing over and over quite as much. Yesterday he just said, "what are you so afraid of?" and I said the same thing I always say -- at this speed, it would be very hard for us to fix the situation before something dire happened. We have no back up plan for sliding off the road into a ditch. It would mess up the whole schedule...